The Duke of Conceptual Architecture

I have been receiving so much spam recently that I decided to take the time out to write to one of these spammers that have been going out of their way to contact me. It’s the least I could do, frankly. Anyway, it has allowed me to procrastinate and not write this mother of an essay I don’t want to write. Here it is:

Dear Mr. Duko,

Thank you for notifying me of the most unfortunate event of Mr. Shimony’s death. He will be missed. God bless this poor soul who has passed into the realm of God and Jesus and Mary and the three little sheep. I will pray for his soul over the next 6 weeks until such time that God gives me a sign that Levy has passed into heaven. Only after I know that Levy has gone to heaven will I not feel any shame in taking any of his money. Let us pray. The Lord is most powerful and will smite those who do not play in his shadow. We must not go into the sunlight because monkey’s may rain upon us from heaven. I have seen it happen to my nephew. It was horrible. The Lord is the most powerful. 42 days ago the Lord told me that I would be helping a kind, generous, warm and selfless man from Lome-Togo. His prophecy has come true and I must do whatever he desires otherwise it will rain elephant trunks upon us all!!! And I do not want this. Therefore, please let me know what I msut do to help. IT IS IMPORTANT THAT I HELP YOU!!! Please do not go to someone else otherwwise I will not be fulfilling my Master’s prophecy. In fact I don’t want any interest from you. I am so desperate to help you that I will give you money if you want. I am very rich. I have a lot of money, but I’m lacking in spiritual wealth, which is why I left my job as an options trader. Please let me know what arrangement suits you. In the meantime, may the Lord rain a golden shower upon you and fulfil your dreams of daily dreaming. TEH LORD IS POWERFUL!

Bernard

On 27/05/2005, at 5:24 AM, MR SAMUEL DUKO wrote:

Date:26/05/2005
Dear Bernard,

I wish this my proposal will not come to you as a
surprise.I am Mr.Samuel Duko a Regional Director with a
North Atlantic Security Sarl with Regional Office in
Lome-Togo.We had a foreign client (named MR LEVY SHIMONY)
who deposited a huge sum of money(US$30.5million) with our
Company.

Eventually,MR LEVY SHIMONY and his entire family were
involved in a fatal motor accident,which unfortunately
claimed their lives, along the Afloa express road, sparing
none of the occupants of the vehicle in Lome-Togo.But,
since then we have not had any body coming for the claimsas
the Next of Kin.

A sitaution I have monitored closely with my position in
the Company.Now, having monitored this deposit for years

now, and hence nobody has showed up as the Next of Kin for
the past one year plus, I have removed the file to my
private vault.I now solicit for your assistance to present
you as the Next of Kin as every other arrangement has being
concluded by me and I am only waiting for a foreigner to
enable me move the fund to his account.

This does not have any risk attached to it as all the
internal documentations will be handled by me. I therefore
request you to confirm your interest by are turn message
and I will furnish you with details.Your interest will be
negotiable before we commence the operation.

God bless you and your family.

Best Regards

Mr.Samuel Duko
Regional Director
Phone:228 926 7841.

[update: go see part 2...]